No Can Undo

With  his raccoon pal Timmy failing to make good on his vow to come back in a few minutues with a can opener, Darrell felt he had no choice but to turn himself in and take his chances with the animal control authorities.

What Goes Down…

“Dumpster diving – yeah, great idea, Fran. Now how the hell are we supposed to get out of here? Dumpster levitating?”

The Not So Big Score

It took Felix all day to gnaw through the roof of what turned out to be an empty food warehouse. And the single marshmallow the operation netted him was actually a Styrofoam packing cube — that damn choked him to death when he tried to eat it.

Attic Room With A View

“Tell you what, pal: you leave me alone and let me crash in your attic for the winter. And I don’t tell your wife what you and the maid do up here on the spare couch every Tuesday afternoon.”

The Cruller Killer



Upon reflection, Karl recognized that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to try to rip off the donut table inside the police station.

New Year’s Dissolution

Bill suddenly realized he’d just blown his New Year’s resolution to stop being such a thieving little sleazeball.

Christmas Cookie Crack

“Ahh, nothing fills me with the holiday spirit like a hyperglycemic sugar cookie rush.”

Dental Ben

“Just once I’d like to steal some Cracker Jacks and not get a goddamned popcorn husk stuck between my fangs.”

Dread Alert

It was bad enough having his snout stuck in a cream bowl for the past two hours. But Tony started to panic when he sensed the cream beginning to curdle. And that any second now, he was gonna puke.

Yard Invasion

“Yeah, great new security fence. Took me about eight seconds to climb over. I’m so winded from the effort, I can hardly laugh at you.

“So what are you gonna try next to keep me out of your yard – a watch gerbil?”